 o one wants to get divorced, and in the new economy, no one can afford to. So how are you and your spouse going to survive until the Dow recovers -- with all your limbs intact? Here at Naughty Bride HQ, we suggest it's time to reset the tone for gaming the relationship system, hacking your brain and finding the fun. And it's not just for the rest of your marriage... it's for the rest of your life.
Nevertheless, like a re-marriage in midlife, our midstream shift away from wedding etiquette represents an organizational challenge. We still host a mix of bridal content via the pretty pink menu on the left, but we also host The Naughty Bride's Secret Blog, below (subscribe here) which whispers naughty suggestions about how to keep your marriage hot (or turn around a cold one), with an occasional unfrilly take on the day's matrimonial matters. But don't trust us, check back often, because you never know what we might spring on you.
The Naughty Bride's
Secret Blog
(okay, it's a blog, not a secret,
so... pretend it's role play)
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According to the Telegraph, Georgia's Prince David Bagrationi-Mukhraneli and Princess Anna Bagrationi-Gruzinsky were wed Sunday in a genuine anachronism: a wedding that is not merely royal, it's dynastic. Plus, it sets their children up to become the first post-Soviet kings and queens of Georgia, if the great Caucasian nation decides it needs the tourist draw (hey, it works for London). What the Naughty Bride wants to know is, 1) Where is the Art? (googling photos + Prince Dave and Princess Anna got us bupkus, thus the lame visual below) and 2) as a wedding gift, should she buy them a vowel or a consonant?
For the Bride of the Day, two smooches (until we find some good pix).  |
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Ah, the persistence of memes! In addition to the documentary we blogged about Friday, there's also a new play in Berkeley called "In the Next Room (or the vibrator play)" (click on link to buy tix) about one of the very 19th century doctors whose treatments for "hysteria" focused a labor-saving electric device on his patients' naughty bits. Billed as a play about "marriage, intimacy... and electricity" it features a devoted doctor, his neglected wife and a host of female (and one male) patients who emerge from his treatment room feeling calm and refreshed. What The Naughty Bride hopes you take away from the story is the importance of a) mutual exploration, b) not giving up and using a "time-saver" to dismiss or "take care" of either one of you and perhaps best of all, c) supporting local theater (here's their LATimes review).
Three smooches to Sarah Ruhl, the playwright, for making naughty hay out of a story that's evergreen. |
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Here's some unfrilly bridal news that The Naughty Bride wishes were just a bit more ruffled. Seems an Indiana couple delayed a trip to the courthouse to be wed when the groom got a blood clot. However, his hospital stay turned into a honeymoon when the staff gathered the couple and their families into the hospital chapel for a "real" ceremony instead. This is charming, this is low-cost, this is creative.... in other words, we here at The Naughty Bride HQ really ought to be all over this tale, but somehow the IndyStar.com story just didn't get our Naughty Minds going. Until it hit us: the wedding night! A curtain around an adjustable bed, an unlocked hospital rooms, a man wearing the gown for a change! Champagne and pain killers in mauve plastic cups! (Okay, it worked until we thought about the cups....)
Three smooches to the Naughty Bride & Groom!
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The great thing about the democratization of media is the resurgence of the documentary film. One with particular relevance to brides everywhere, and Naughty Brides especially is PASSION & POWER, on sale now at the marvelous First Run Features, who distribute SHERMAN'S MARCH and the UP series, among others. A history of the "technology of orgasms," it reminds viewers among other salient facts, that a Girl's Best Friend, her battery-powered benefit, started out as a labor-saving device... for doctors, who relieved "hysteria" with massage to induce "hysterical paroxysms" for their married patients. What The Naughty Bride wants to know is -- how many times a day did they fill the prescription?
Five smooches to the Directors Wendy Slick and Emiko Omori.
BUT WAIT! THIS JUST IN! There's an informative and sober YouTube video clip here. But that's not where the naughty laughs are. Go here for a Busby Berkeley musical vibrator dance line! Click already! |
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Oh dear Naughty Ones. It has been TOO LONG! The bad news is, The Naughty Bride clicked on the upgrade to Mac OS 10.5.6 and has been unable to log in here, ever since. The good news is, she just spent hours and hours archiving and installing the old 10.5 OS and now has a functioning browser again. (Well, putting the fun back in functioning part is good, anyway.) So, we'll be back up and running wild as usual in the next day or two. Stay tuned, and SMOOCHES ALL AROUND for the new year!
Uh, normally there'd be a pretty pink lipstick mark there, but it seems to have dissolved.... (This may take longer than we thought.) |
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The Naughty Bride Says:
Formality of wedding be damned — if you've always wanted the Full Cinderella, you can wear it to the IHOP if you like. Just be aware of the width of the space between tables so that guests will have room to pass without stepping on your hem. And stay away from the French fry machine, no matter how cute the cook is. Oil stains on satin are permanent.
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