The Naughty Bride has had her share of hissy fits over the years -- heck, even this week.  So it is without pointing fingers or blame that she brings up the case of media darling Jade Goody, married just a week to our Naughty Groom of the Day, Jack Tweed.   

The reality television star is in the end stages of cervical cancer and in so much constant pain that her meds give her hallucinations.  Her storybook wedding to the certifiably naughty (that is, convicted) Tweed was sold to Ok! magazine for $1M, earmarked for Goody's two small sons' inheritance.  With everything being donated, and all proceeds marked for the boys, she's been able to get through her bridal season with remarkable aplomb (and doesn't every bride deserve an $8K wedding dress for free and a big bottle of Percodan?).  

Unfortunately, Goody also shares a gate with her neighbor that doesn't shut reliably, and while getting into the car to see the doctor to adjust the pain meds, the neighbor yelled at her.  Now, when The Naughty Bride loses her cool (momentarily of course), it humiliates her for a few hours afterward and requires a few apologies.  When Goody yells, it makes the Telegraph.    

This is the same gorgeous woman who wants to look like her image below, who wants to leave her DH and her sons and everyone with this love because she knows she's about to die.  And yet, sometimes it is impossible.      

Even when she yells that the gate doesn't matter because she'll be dead in a month, she's still yelling.  The trouble is, when we look angry, people will remember it because it makes them emotional.  With emotion comes stronger memory.  Whoops.  Now, we are all Bridezillas and Groomzillas.  But we can repair these ruptures.  We must do so, and then turn towards these beloved people and even these difficult neighbors, with love.  Smooches all around.  

According to Monsters & Critics, the photos from Bette Midler's 1984 wedding to Martin Von Haselberg languished in the Las Vegas chapel where it was performed for the last twenty-four years.   Bridezillas take note -- upon receipt of the pix, the Actual Bona Fide Diva did not have a hissy fit, she laughed at what a "baby" she looked like at the time, aged 37.  Personally, The Naughty Bride wonders how anyone missed searching for the pictures -- worth it for the Elvis Impersonator who performed the ceremony, at the very least.  Then she remembers: Ah... it was the 80s, so the White Stuff wasn't just Bette's wedding dress.  Smooches all around, but especially to the Original Naughty Bride & Groom, for staying together over twenty-four years. Well done!   

Anyone who's taken a taxi or seen SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE can appreciate the tragic pathos of this BBC story about a trainwreck that killed 14 members of a wedding party, including the bride.  The Naughty Bride can't think of anything funny about it, unless it's the obvious, cynical trainwreck-of-a-marriage metaphor, but prefers to use the tale to remind herself to Seize The Day.  Memento mori.  Smooches to everybody, and to all a Very Naughty Day.  

Early in the week we suggested role-reversals as ways for Naughty Grooms to get their Naughty Brides' motors running.  Yesterday we introduced Role Play 101 using favorite movie dialogue to get the scene set.  Today we graduate a level to some Actual Role Play.  Only this time, it's still low risk.  You'll be playing yourselves -- at a time before you ever met.  Go back to High School if you must, or college or a vacation you took, and write her into the scenario. Pick a fun tryst-y spot where you might Get Caught, and narrate a few moments before your big approach.  Are you in a van in the school parking lot, stealing a kiss?  Or have you snuck into your Dorm Monitor's apartment?  Is there a lounge chair shack on the beach or by the pool of your last vacation as single people?  Whisper your scene into her ear as you trace a finger along her arm next time she's at the sink with the dishes, and see whether the clean-up can wait.  (Word to the wise: don't get your shorts in a twist if she can't stand a dirty kitchen -- it can take two thousand iterations to teach a chimp a new TV trick, so us girls can be forgiven for a little lag time when it comes to facing dirty pots over morning coffee).  

Photo by the fabulous Pinardy.