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 ou’re wearing an engagement ring. You can’t believe it. Sure, sometimes it makes you so nervous you feel like you’re going to lose your lunch, but most of the time you’re tickled pink. The problem is, hardly anyone else cares.
On the first day after your fiancé pops the question, it’s kinda cute to announce the fact that you just got engaged to everyone you meet. As a society, most people play along. But as of Day Two you don’t have that excuse, and if no one inquires about your Special Glow, it can be easy for a Naughty Bride to get grumpy.
What’s the solution? In the long run you’ll learn to keep your engagement and your marriage like the Naughty little secret it really is. But in the short run you’ll probably want some attention as a trade-off for never having sex with anyone else, ever (try not to think about that part). Still, you can’t go around referring to your “fiancé” constantly or you’ll scare people. The best you can do is hope they notice your ring and ask you about the wedding so that you’ll have the perfect excuse to gush about -- I mean pooh-pooh -- all the unnecessary trouble and expense your family is going to just for little ol’ you. To help that process along, we present a few ways to wave your ring in people’s faces without their being able to complain about it. Naughty, naughty.
A Helpful How-To Chart to Ring Flashing
| Instead of: |
With an engagement ring: |
| Going to the library |
Have a manicure and read the salon’s wedding magazines. With all this attention on your hands, you don’t want your nails to look icky. |
| Carrying handbag on right shoulder |
Carry clutch purse in left hand, ring side up.
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| Pointing with the pointer finger of your right hand |
Use entire left hand, limp wristedly, so that even if the your engagement gem can’t catch the light, the breadth of the gesture will call attention to it.
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| Waving with the right hand going side-to-side |
Wave with left hand flapping up and down, with particular emphasis on a complete down stroke. Most waves employ a two-stroke beat, symbolizing “bye-bye.” Make yours a more enthusiastic five or six beats. |
| Presenting your right hand to shake |
Present the left, to be kissed. (Note: does not work with women.) |
| Dialing cell phone held in right hand |
Hold phone up in front of face in left hand with ring facing out, dial with right.
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| Using ear bud or hands-free cell phone |
Hold mobile phone with left hand, even when listening with right ear. |
| Using cell phone’s watch to tell time |
Wear wristwatch on left hand, check your ring whenever you check the time. |
| Wearing jewelry to accessorize outfits |
Concentrate all jewelry on left wrist, to draw attention there. Jangle-y bangles and charm bracelets work well, as does a diamond-studded wristwatch. 
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| Writing signature with right hand only |
Hold receipt (or other paper) down with left hand, ring up, then sign with right. (For extra dazzle, carry a pen that compliments your engagement ring and/or learn to make your signature with your left hand.) |
| Leaning on your right elbow |
Place chin on left knuckles, palm in, with ring grazing the chin. If you want a special treat, place your chin so that your ring remains just within the bounds of your peripheral vision when the sun hits your ring. The sparkles will entertain you and call more attention to your hallowed state as a fiancée.
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| Praying with fingers interlaced |
Pray with hands pressed flat together or clasped left over right so that your ring stays visible at all times. Good time to check for clean fingernails. |
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